I’m OK, You’re So So

Fair warning. I’m drinking coffee at nine at night…sip, sip, sip…

It was just gorgeous here at the Jersey shore today. E., her best friend Curly Top, and I went to the Wildwood boardwalk for the afternoon. As much as I can’t stand Wildwood and call it Little Newark by the Sea, it was a really nice time. The long beach was clean and yet to be full of trash from too many drunken, lazy tourists and the water was a straight band of blue across the horizon. I wish I had brought my Canon.

Two hours of walking (might have been two and a half, I didn’t really keep track) back and forth totaled about four miles though it was done in long spurts with time at arcades for the girls to sucker me out of money. My legs felt used but not sore or tired once we got home. Funny thing about my body, when I exercise, it swells starting with my fingers first. After a few hours it goes down but it’s really weird. After looking it up, it seems it’s weird but normal dilation of the blood vessels.

Good. I don’t need any more freaky shit with my body.

Sip, sip, sip…

Anyway, it wet my whistle for being active again. The feeling of broken glass in my knees and ankles isn’t around so I’m going to proverbially run with it. Can you imagine me actually running? I would need CPR. The EBV isn’t flaring so taking advantage of this time to get started again is perfect.

2-24rsThe trees have tried to kill me with my allergies being outrageous and almost comical. The amount of snot that has come out of my face has to be inhuman. Everyone out here is walking around sneezing, wheezing and with swollen eyes. The twenty-four-hour urine test for Cushings has to wait until a personal issue is over and I haven’t been sucking down Prednisone for a few days. I imagine by Sunday of next week so I will pick the equipment up to have on hand when it’s all clear. I like to tell people who ask about the huge jug of pee “I just like to keep it.” and stare at them intently.

Sip, sip, sip…

Having spent forty-odd days doing a Lenten Gratitude List over at Excitable Gurelle gave me a few things. Besides the obvious gratitude, it lifted some of my mood and gave me a renewed sense of purpose. It ain’t over ’til it’s over. Regardless of the outcome of the Cushings test, whether its Prednisone induced or otherwise, I have to live with this issue. Our lives and physical issues don’t stop because we decided to have weight loss surgery. Many will be alleviated and that is kick ass. But some stick with us, like our eye color or the freckles across our nose. It doesn’t matter if others accept us, what matters is accepting ourselves.

Tomorrow a gentleman is returning my call to get my insurance straightened out. Once the outcome of the testing’s completed I can, once again, go back to seeing my surgeon and we will continue the discussion about a revision. Whether that happens or not is anyone’s guess but I have to live with the now, with my reality today.

Sip, sip, sip…

I’m a firm believer in health at any size and fat acceptance, not simply because I am fat but because I honestly believe in it. Even when thin I felt there was nothing right or OK about discrimination in any form. “I’m OK, you’re so so” doesn’t cut it in my book. I don’t have to like someone to make it OK for them to be who they are at this very moment.

OK, so anyway, now that my pupils are pinned and I’m grinding my teeth like a tweaker on a run, it’s time to put the coffee away and try to get sleepy.

Just a few more sips won’t hurt…










  1. did i tell you i’m on Prednisone now? i’m so happy you’re sounding so much better. does great things for my mood. and yes i can imagine you running. you can do it mama! 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there. you can do it. small steps


    1.  Yeah I call it “Instant Bitch”. As time has gone on my body has acclimated to it and I can remain pretty non-homocidal but oy, it used to be awful. I hope you are done with it soon, I know what a rotten feeling it can induce. ❤


  2. My hands and fingers of all things swell after a workout…and by workout I mean walk because my back is jacked…You do sound much more upbeat and I like that. I bet you like that. Or is it the coffee talking? LOL.
    I’m hoping that everything works out with your insurance.
    PS. That pee test? Oh so gross.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s