In an age where altruism and giving, even when it hurts, is often viewed as weak and dramatic, many of us feel almost guilty comforting someone who is having a serious issue that is chronic. How do we love each other and take care of each other without harming ourselves or ‘loving them into the grave‘? Most current beliefs are selfish and espouse the ‘cut and run‘ mentality, that to stay is to be self-abusive and a sign of lack of self-esteem. I agree that can be true in many situations, when it is to the detriment of our health and well-being. But not for all situations. I think when it is simply about issues “harshing your mellow” we are discussing selfishness and not in anyway shape or form is love involved. It is a modern day excuse for disconnecting under the guise of mental health. It can be a signal of emotional instability and psychic infantilism.
I love someone because of who they are, they bring a beauty to my life that wouldn’t be there without their presence. They have value. I want them to know they have value to me. Their value is equal to my own value.
Many people have loved me even when I wasn’t able to give back at that time. They saved me. They did not drown themselves for me, they held my hand, they offered comfort and direction when I asked for it. I am learning that wonderful and delicate balance of loving and being loved with taking care of self. I know who it is safe to ‘take care of’ and who is an emotional parasite. I am so lucky to be able to love wonderful, talented and wickedly bright people who allow me to see their fragility and trust me with their delicate underbellies. I will always stroke them with a gentle, honest hand.
We need to examine our motives with a laser-like honesty. It will always tell us what we need to do.