“You let the clutch out of your mouth before your brain is in gear.” – W. my ex-husbands father
W. was an interesting guy. Most of the people I’ve known in real life, we’re blue-collar. Some of us get to that hybrid of crossover between white and blue, but generally, good hard work, honest days pay (I’m not saying another pay bracket or career choice does otherwise, so relax). W. was one of those guys; Korean War era, animal farm at one point, lived in one area most of his life but saw some others, smoked too much, was always agreeable to me and had a plethora of old sayings that would either make you laugh or go “Hmm”.
He said this to me quite a few times.
It’s more true than I care to really look into at the moment. I just need to know it’s true, thank you very much.
Gmail has this lab add-in that gives you a couple of seconds after sending an e-mail to undo it. I have this feature turned on because I have to know that if I haven’t worded something correctly or if I’ve shot my mouth off about too much or (and here’s the one that gets me in trouble the most) I pull a Twitter on Facebook type of moment, I can re-think that send. I know it sounds like I’m exaggerating but I’m really not at all. I’m the sister and mother at the wedding reception who is in the middle of a normal conversation about marijuana legalization and the dance music stops dead just as she’s enunciating about the amount of jail time being bullshit. Sometimes I’m the awkward one trying to hide her tics off in a corner or hiding my face while dancing and look even more awkward. I really do better not being allowed contact with other humans in public settings for their sake. Although I did spend a moment today working on my Facebook lists so when I have a Twitter moment at Facebook again, (and let’s face it, we know I will) I can hide one list to minimize the damage to other people.
I was taught to not use the “You” statements so consciously I speak from an “I” or “We” perspective to not assume what anyone else is thinking, feeling or experiencing and to open the airways for communication. I know now that it is translated as self-involvement, not an invitation for someone to also share about themselves. Seeing this was a “Well, shit.” moment. No wonder to all of it. No wonder there was few connections that lasted, no wonder communication was halting, just “no wonder.” It’s as if I speak a different language and have to learn the native language here. I’m a little pissed at all the psychobabble telling us to speak only to relate back in the day. I’m a little pissed I was too oblivious to put two and two together that this was the problem in the communication area.
It seems to be a universal theme, some may be more accurate than others but most of us can relate to that sense of being the weird one, alien in our world, awkward and only making things worse when we try. The only option I have is to try to make more safety nets for those around me, get as much distance for them and continue to work on filters and impulse control back up tools. Space seems to be the only real way for me to have any guarantee of not having any shrapnel flying about at them. These are all acceptable coping mechanisms, we’re not talking cutting ties, simply safe firewalls so my typing mouth doesn’t write a check my ass ends up having to make a bed it has to cash or something like that.