A stitch in time saves nine.
Vasalisa the Wise and Baba Yaga
The Three Billy Goats Gruff
Old adages, folk stories, even fairy tales were parables, psycho-social advice or direction.
“Don’t even try.” she said. “Stick to a topic you can both land on even if it’s only the weather.”
I had called a forty year friend who was also permanently sick. We were discussing relationship dynamics with loved ones, colleagues, professionals or authority. She was the person to speak with because she will see the situation even through any filters I toss up, knows me and my weak points, is a strong, smart, kind, salt of the earth type.
“If you don’t live it, you can never fully understand it.” We also discussed acknowledging that while they can’t know our walk, we in turn need to remember they have had and have difficult struggles and triumphs. I’ve said this before; give creedance and wiggle room as you want given to you.
It’s simpler if you can’t see them. Then you can write them off as unimportant. We do it in our lives with people we don’t know but when these ghosts we face are the histories of a marred relationship it gets hairy and hard to know what’s carrying what red flag. We care to the point that we’re willing to accept painful roles in order to have quiet. I would rather perform surgery and expose the cancer. I am not that person we thought I was and I’ll be damned if I’ll stop walking to my goal now that I have the right map because it means others don’t like me stating the route and guiding my own pack. It never stopped me before. It made me feel like shit, but it didn’t stop my important goal which was the cornerstone to every other area. I tried their maps, their goals, I did that footwork. Now we know the core issues.
Learning to live the best way is not a one shot deal, it flows and changes. We have to be “willing to be willing” to go on to the next step regardless, to be committed (Remember the old saying “In a ham and eggs breakfast, the chicken was involved but the pig was committed.” ) .
When someone, even someone within my actual clinical support system, treats me like one of their naughty, difficult clients without merit, I refuse to accept that now. When that someone’s a peer? Absolutely not. I am not The Sicky and they The Welly. I’m not ego therapy supply anymore. Being lucky enough to have amazing psyche providers (my psyche nurse and therapist) clarified this for me. It also made it next to impossible to accept less. I was choking, no answers, dying internally and physically. I choose the angels toe.
Getting to that place isn’t easy. We fight ourselves like Jacob wrestling with the angel. It blesses us (gives us growth, brings positive change, or enlightenment) and also leaves us changed, reminded of our true nature (the angel – issue or hurdle – touched his hip and he walked with a limp thereafter.) This story always reminds me that the internal struggle, when sincere in it’s desire, is a blessing or path to positive, though it will leave an unexpected mark upon us. That is not a bad thing. It’s a change like puberty is a change or the crone phase in life is a change. Some will balk at this because the dynamics are different which means they may need to rethink some roles for themselves and that kinda sucks. No one ever said it was easy.
Eeny, meeny, miney, moe. Catch an angel by the toe …